monday, is it over yet?

today started bright and early with parent/teacher conferences for s8 and a11. which means the kids were out of school, but bh and i had to go. so off we went.

we met with s8’s teacher first. he’s doing okay academically, but is a poor citizen. he’s rude to her and his classmates. he seems angry and he’s still having difficulty adjusting. and, as his mom, i so wanted to make excuses for him. but i couldn’t. i’m pretty sure they would have fallen flat. because the truth is he’s just not all that happy. i mean he has days that are great, but far more of them are not so great. and i’m not really sure it’s improving for him. so i sat with his teacher – and in all fairness to her she was wonderful, she fully understands how difficult this is and how he’s never been the new kid before – and i listened and tried not to cry. sat there and wondered what have we done? how have we damaged our son?

next up was a11’s teacher. an equally wonderful teacher. very understanding about our move and adjustment and all that goes with it, but… a11 isn’t doing well either. she’s withdrawn and really somewhat cold to her fellow students. the other girls in her class have given up on trying to be friends with her and now a11 has an uphill battle trying to make friends with them. and she’s become very unsure of herself. in the last year she has made some great strides in her self confidence levels, really come out of her shell. and now she seems to have completely regressed. so for the second time in an hour i’m absolutely certain we have damaged our kids.

also on the agenda today was a birthday party for c13, harp lesson for a11 and a school project work session for a11. i got c13 to the birthday party on time and got lost on my way home. which made us late for harp lessons. which made us late for the school project work session. we ended up getting home in time for me to make dinner and then head off to get c13 from his birthday party. and, of course, i got lost on my way to get him. and so you don’t think i’m a total loser – the pick up place wasn’t the same as the drop off place. it took me an hour and a half to find where i was supposed to be. turns out it’s only about 10 minutes from our house. so i was very late getting him. when i do get him he mentions that he left the change of clothes he was supposed to take to the party in the song thaeuw they had ridden in to get from the first location to the second. which might not be such a big deal if it hadn’t been one of the four pair jeans he owns. and since he will only wear jeans at this time – his thing, not ours – that leaves him 3 pairs and one of those three has a nice rip in the upper inner thigh (also known as the crotch). and then he says to the birthday girl, “the gift i got you got all wet, so i’ll have to get you another.” (they’d had a water balloon fight, thus the need for a change of clothes.) it was a gift voucher to swenson’s. not like we could take it back. so i gave it to her mother so she could lay it out flat and then they would be usable.

and now i’m home. working on a to-do list for tomorrow. it only has two things on it. one is go to cooking class, which i’m very much looking forward to. the other is call the counseling center and make appointments for our whole maladjusted family… we need help and it’s available so we’re gonna get it. i have no doubt that they are going to tell me that what we’re going through is normal, that it will all be okay and i’m hoping that they will give us all some tools to help us get through this and thrive here, i’m sure that they will.

how quickly she falls

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yep, that’s our stuff. that’s all we sent from the US – other than the clothes we brought with us when we moved. and in the second pic those numbered boxes aren’t part of our stuff. the shipping company that we used offered to fill our crate with boxes of bibles – it didn’t cost us any extra and we figured we could find them a home.

i can’t even begin to say how excited i have been about this stuff getting here. i knew there were two must haves in those boxes for me. one, the broken computer with my music on it. MY MUSIC!! not bh’s music or the kids’ music, but m.i.n.e.

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it’s a comfort thing. my play lists are on it, you know. my feeling down play list, my feeling a little better play list, my i’m so mad i could spit play list and my jill play list. (and, yes, i have noticed my laptop is not exactly looking well, but it’s doing what i need it to do.)

the other thing is my knitting. i didn’t bring any knitting with me when we came and i’ve had idle hands since we got here. i’ve needed my knitting. so as i was going through boxes i did a little dance when i found this…

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and it caused me to go tearing through all the other boxes looking for the rest of my yarn and my needles and my stitch counters and all my other knitty necessities. but, i found nothing else. not a bit of it. i was so careful as i packed. i sorted my yarn – only bringing what i knew i would use. i sorted my needles, keeping only one long and one short set of each size. i pared all my stuff down so it would all fit in my knitting bag (it’s really more a travel suitcase) and i thought it would be safe to send, just like that. i didn’t put it in a box, but i’m certain i put it with the boxes. but none of it is here. i’ve tried to be so tough since we got here. tried to keep my chin up. but this might just be the straw, you know the one that broke the camel’s back. and i feel stupid. it’s just yarn and needles.  *knitting stuff has been found!!

and to add insult to injury, a11 is so excited this was packed.

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yeah, just what we need when it’s freakin’ hot, fleece footie pajamas pyjamas.

lonely whiner

“loneliness is the first thing which God’s eye named, not good.” – john milton

“friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” – c. s. lewis

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the other day i was blog hopping, i’m sure i had numerous other productive things i could should have been doing, but since i was occupied with sliding down into the pit of dispair, i didn’t feel like doing any of them. and i came across this post by trapped under something heavy. (a blog name i love, because who doesn’t love when harry met sally.) and as i read i stopped sliding and started hurtling. hurtled right on down into the depths. i miss having my plans preempted by all kinds of very, very important diversions that having friends brings along. i miss sitting in someone else’s house, having a cup of coffee or a glass of wine or a margarita or all three and feeling just as comfortable as i do in my own house. i miss having friends who open the door and come in as they’re knocking. i just miss friends.