that’s exactly what i want

bob barker says to do it, so gosh darn it, we’re gonna do it. because we are responsible pet owners. that’s us. and because i really can’t bear the idea of our little waan being party to ruining the reputation of some lovely little female dog. and there is some nasty, gross doggy s.t.d. going around thailand – i didn’t know a dog could get an s.t.d., but they can. and this one’s gross.

so after school when i heard one of the other moms talking about taking their neighborhood stray in for a spay my ears perked up. i got all the details, the vet is close to us; no, you don’t need an appointment; exactly where i should park; etc… and we made haste… we drove straight home, picked up the dirty, rotten scoundrel and headed to the vet. where they spoke more english than i spoke thai, but we still had difficulty communicating. i know, i need to learn thai. i said, “he needs to be neutered.” she said, “an injection?” i said, “well, that, too, but he needs to be neutered. a surgery.” she gave me a blank look, now i have learned that in many instances if i can just search my internal thesaurus and come up with a different word – possibly a british word – then i can be understood. this doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does. so i start searching… i couldn’t think of any synonyms, not one. so, i pick the dog up and point at what i want gone and say, “these need to go away.” i thought that was pretty clever. it wasn’t really helpful. so we make a few more attempts. i say things like, “no babies”, “we don’t want to be grandparents”, “we want him sterile”, “we can’t afford to be part of a he’s-the-baby-daddy scandal”, etc… but we’re getting no where. and then she says, and this is proof of divine intervention, “you want operation. you want testes severed.” i say, “that’s exactly what i want.”

so, bob barker, drew carey it’s time to change that tag line… next time i catch the price is right – which could be a very long time because we don’t have tv and if/when we do i don’t know that the price is right airs here – i expect to hear you say, “help control the pet population. have your pet spayed or his testes severed.”