excuse me, um… i farted

“you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means.” inigo montoya, the princess bride

one of the first phrases i learned to say after i arrived in thailand was “excuse me” or “i’m sorry” and i’ve said it a lot. everywhere. all over the place. all the time. any time i felt i’d made some sort of error – which, really, was every time i had any reason to interact with anyone. you know, accidentally bump into someone, “excuse me”. not moving fast enough to get out of the way, “excuse me” i didn’t understand what was said and had no idea how to communicate that, “excuse me”. and the list goes on and on. today in language class i learned that i hadn’t exactly been saying what i thought i’d been saying. instead i’d been saying, “i farted.”

did i mention i’ve said it a lot?

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that hurt

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i am addicted
to sharing it all with blog
don’t be embarrased

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him: “you know your mom blogged about our conversation the other day?”

her: “she did? why’d she do that?”

him: “sweetheart, your mother blogs about everything, nothing is sacred.”

her: “you need to stop talking to her, daddy.”

wwf – s8 style

i have one big regret about today’s post – that i wasn’t camera ready as the action was happening… this incident only took a split second, but i’ll do my best, without pictures, to stretch it out into an eternity.

yesterday we went to an elephant park – maetang elephant park to be precise. we had a wonderful time. lots of family togetherness, absolutely no fighting remarkably little fighting and no whining. 5 hours with no whining. wow. we saw an elephant show – they dance, they hula hoop, they play soccer and basketball, they paint and they deliver flowers. then we rode an ox cart. c13 took the reins for a bit. well, really, i think those oxen could have gotten from point a to point b with blindfolds on, but he felt important. then we rode elephants. which is really alot more work than i thought it would be – i imagined it being far more relaxing. the elephants were amazing. not once did mine head for the jungle and try to knock me off at the first tree branch it could find. after elephant riding we had lunch and then it was time for a bamboo raft trip down a jungle river. on our way to the bamboo rafts we passed a small group of elephants – a mini herd. now, s8 has a problem with dogs, he just can’t not pet one. and in thailand you can’t just go around petting all the dogs – you’ll get rabies or something. we’ve been working hard on this – started working on it before we left co. since we’ve never really been around other animals that might be tempting to pet we didn’t know that it’s not just dogs. apparently, it’s elephants, too. so, being the highly attentive generally oblivious parent that i am i didn’t notice as s8 took an interest in the cute elephant standing not 4 feet away from where we were walking. and i also didn’t notice as he stretched out his hand and gently approached this cute, cuddly pachyderm. and i even missed this lovable creature making a mini-stampede at my child, head butting him and knocking him to the ground. the cloud of dust is what caught my attention. but all is good. s8 was warned – don’t know if it took, he’s difficult that way. and the elephant went about his business with a little help from his mahout.

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this is an after shot. i’m pretty sure they’re sizing each other up, trying to see where this friendship will go. maybe a sleepover?

i’ve added our elephant park pics to flickr if you wanna see…

he is not a monster

bh and i were having a conversation about our blogs and why more people visit mine than his. he says it’s because mine’s like blog seinfeld while his is, well, not. and i reminded him that occasionally people get to his blog from mine, like way back when when i blogged about how unjust and unfair he was being to me on his blog and linked my complaint to his blog. he had a lot of blog traffic, like a lot more. but he only complained about that. said people were only coming to his blog to tell him how bad he was, that he felt like they were coming with pitchforks and torches yelling, “kill the monster.” this made me laugh. made me feel loved and understood. it didn’t have the same effect on him. it made him remove the offensive post – does that mean i won? which, then made me change my post. so, today, i’m defending him, telling the world that he is not a monster.

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the little dutch boy – the farang version

I feel really guilty that the instant I realized what was happening my very first thought was, “run – get the camera. this must be shared.”

bh was doing me a favor. i needed a clothes dryer hung – my fancy schmancy one isn’t really all that great for sheets. this requires him to get out the aluminum step stool – we didn’t check for osha guidelines when we purchased it. here’s the step stool…

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and, yes, of course, that is what it looked like when we bought it, i swear.
so, up he goes, to drill a hole and down he comes. it just so happens that where he came down there was a spigot. but not anymore. what replaced it, at least temporarily, was a fountain –

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(i wonder if a fountain increases the value of the house?) how to stop the flow of water? we haven’t any chewing gum. and then bh remembers the story of the little dutch boy and the dyke.

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look, it’s stopped. what next? Our mâe bâan happens to be here and she quickly calls all her friends to tell them what her funny farang employers have done someone who is able to tell her how to turn the water off at the street. and bh can remove his finger.

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i call our realtor to see if she can call the handy man. he speaks no english, we speak no thai – she translates. very nice of her. she calls him and about 5 minutes later he’s here. and goes right to work. it requires him to remove part of the column so he can access the pipe. (have i mentioned that the home owners are coming from bangok this saturday to meet us?)

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and he leaves. the other day i was able to communicate with him. i let him know that the guys who had hung the curtains had left their hex wrench. he let me know that he would take the hex wrench and return it to them when he went to pick up the mini-blinds for the kitchen. but today, we had nothing. no idea what he was trying to tell us. we assumed he was either telling us he was going to get a part or he was telling us nothing could be done. i left to go get the kids from school and when I returned, it was fixed… all done. plaster and everything. guess he must have been trying to tell us that he needed to go get a part.

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so ends the tale of the little not so little dutch farang boy man and the dyke column.

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