out of nablopomo desperation i bring you a true tale from ten years ago.
you know how when you’re at the end of your rope and you’re tempted to say just about anything just to get your kids to leave you alone for just one moment? well, i wish i could say that’s the reason i told c15 – way back when he was only c5 – that a sitting in a hot tub would cook his liver.
there was some family in town (by some family i mean people we are actually related to, not some family i can’t remember the name of) and we’d been invited to join them for an afternoon of swimming. we spent several hours frolicking in the sun – swimming, lounging, eating – and, as it got towards evening, people headed for the hot tub. the hot tub that was clearly posted “no one under the age of 15 allowed”. c5 really wanted to get in. i told him what the sign said and for a moment, a very short moment he was okay with that. but then he wanted to know why no one under the age of 15 could get in. he said that just doesn’t make sense. and please could he get in. please!
i had a vague recollection that hot tubs were dangerous for kids. though i couldn’t exactly remember why. (i mean why i recollected that, not why they’re dangerous.) and, since i was looking for an easy answer, i took my vague recollection and created this one. “it takes 15 years for the human liver to fully develop. until then it can easily be cooked.” he accepted that answer. end of discussion. i patted myself on the back and returned to my back float.
a wee while later (maybe a day, maybe a week – it’s been 10 years, i don’t exactly remember) we were over at my grandparent’s house. c5 had sat down in my grandmother’s chair to watch some cartoons. i was reading a book. everyone was content. suddenly i hear some quiet crying from c6. he’s watching cartoons, not exactly tear jerking. so i ask him what’s wrong. he stands up, walks towards me, points back to the chair he’d been sitting in – where there also happens to be a turned on heating pad – and says, “i just cooked my liver. it’s all over.”
of course, i fixed it. explained that momma’s such a kidder, what a jokester she is and that livers don’t bake, they boil. oh, i kid!