foreign feeling foreign land

michael wrote a post where he sort of gives words to this constant condition of being i’ve felt since we moved to thailand.  it’s really more that he describes the absence of this feeling.  he wrote of returning to america and being greeted at the airport and how it felt

It was a peculiar feeling – the feeling of release, the feeling of putting down something heavy.  It made me feel light and optimistic and….comfortable.

my days are colored by this uncomfortableness.  it’s something i’ve known was there but hadn’t been able to identify.  it has lessened in the past 8 months, but is still palpable.  i’m not sure it every totally goes away, i’ve heard rumor that no matter how long your here it’s never truly home.

13 thoughts on “foreign feeling foreign land

  1. Wow! I’m so…..quotable! Sorry about the uncomfortable heaviness thing. Wish I could have brought you with.

    Michael

    just goes with the territory (that’s sort of funny, right? territory?) and i quote you all the time… “do your wrinkles bother you?” 😀

  2. After living in St. Louis for a year with my Other Half, coming to Bangkok was difficult, even though it had been home for a long time. It just felt like I’d closed this chapter of my life already and having to try to put done some roots and resume a normal life wasn’t as painful as it was…uncomfortable. Nothing fit anymore. I still feel awkward here, out of place, like I’m lodged in a space that no longer fits. I don’t know if the discomfort of living away from Home, wherever that is, ever really goes away after a certain point, when you’ve found Home. I hope it eases up on you, though. Thailand is such a strange place.

    i think the nothing fit thing is a good description. (analogy, metaphor, something…) i’m sure it gets better over time, but i’ll be surprised if it every totally goes away.

  3. maybe it’s because home really is where you heart is and a piece of your heart will always be here. are you there long term or do you have a time frame that you know you’ll be back. i would think if it’s long term that would make it just a little bit harder.

    we don’t know how long we’re here for. we feel like it’s long term, but we’ve been given not time frame… i’m sure eventually you adjust and it becomes the normal.

  4. I read Michael’s post before this and totally understood “living outside your comfort zone 24/7” That is how it feels! “my days colored by uncomfortableness”, that’s it too. I don’t know if it makes sense to those who haven’t done it, but it makes total sense to me. Good use of words by both of you.

    thanks, angie. i do think it’s so foreign and so hard to articulate what it is that it’s not easy to prepare for. someone tried to explain it to me before our move, but i didn’t realize it’s permanence.

  5. the heaviness is the material from the huge gaping hole that you all left in our lives!

    We miss you all!

    terribly…

    we miss you guys, too. it comes in waves, and it’s funny the things that get it started! i can’t make a pot of coffee without thinking maybe you should come over for a cup. 😦

  6. Awww, this is so sad. I have so much admiration for you all. It’s difficult moving from one end of a country to another, or from one English speaking country to another, but the total culture shock that you must have undergone…wow. You embrace it far more than I would ever do, truly.

    thanks, hay. a year and 1/2 ago i would have said i could never do that!! it’s amazing what we can do when we have to!! 🙂

  7. It’s funny, but when I arrived in Frankfurt a few weeks ago and was walking to the bus stop I thought about how free I felt. I was still in a foreign country but I was comfortable. Maybe it was because I was on vacation, maybe it was because I was born there and I just felt grounded, or maybe it was because I was going to see my parents after not seeing them for a year, I don’t know it’s hard to explain, but now I’m back here in Baku and that heaviness is back. Scott feels it too.

    when michael got back there was relief for him to be with family, but the unfamiliar weight returned, too! the joys of expat life!

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