monday, is it over yet?

today started bright and early with parent/teacher conferences for s8 and a11. which means the kids were out of school, but bh and i had to go. so off we went.

we met with s8’s teacher first. he’s doing okay academically, but is a poor citizen. he’s rude to her and his classmates. he seems angry and he’s still having difficulty adjusting. and, as his mom, i so wanted to make excuses for him. but i couldn’t. i’m pretty sure they would have fallen flat. because the truth is he’s just not all that happy. i mean he has days that are great, but far more of them are not so great. and i’m not really sure it’s improving for him. so i sat with his teacher – and in all fairness to her she was wonderful, she fully understands how difficult this is and how he’s never been the new kid before – and i listened and tried not to cry. sat there and wondered what have we done? how have we damaged our son?

next up was a11’s teacher. an equally wonderful teacher. very understanding about our move and adjustment and all that goes with it, but… a11 isn’t doing well either. she’s withdrawn and really somewhat cold to her fellow students. the other girls in her class have given up on trying to be friends with her and now a11 has an uphill battle trying to make friends with them. and she’s become very unsure of herself. in the last year she has made some great strides in her self confidence levels, really come out of her shell. and now she seems to have completely regressed. so for the second time in an hour i’m absolutely certain we have damaged our kids.

also on the agenda today was a birthday party for c13, harp lesson for a11 and a school project work session for a11. i got c13 to the birthday party on time and got lost on my way home. which made us late for harp lessons. which made us late for the school project work session. we ended up getting home in time for me to make dinner and then head off to get c13 from his birthday party. and, of course, i got lost on my way to get him. and so you don’t think i’m a total loser – the pick up place wasn’t the same as the drop off place. it took me an hour and a half to find where i was supposed to be. turns out it’s only about 10 minutes from our house. so i was very late getting him. when i do get him he mentions that he left the change of clothes he was supposed to take to the party in the song thaeuw they had ridden in to get from the first location to the second. which might not be such a big deal if it hadn’t been one of the four pair jeans he owns. and since he will only wear jeans at this time – his thing, not ours – that leaves him 3 pairs and one of those three has a nice rip in the upper inner thigh (also known as the crotch). and then he says to the birthday girl, “the gift i got you got all wet, so i’ll have to get you another.” (they’d had a water balloon fight, thus the need for a change of clothes.) it was a gift voucher to swenson’s. not like we could take it back. so i gave it to her mother so she could lay it out flat and then they would be usable.

and now i’m home. working on a to-do list for tomorrow. it only has two things on it. one is go to cooking class, which i’m very much looking forward to. the other is call the counseling center and make appointments for our whole maladjusted family… we need help and it’s available so we’re gonna get it. i have no doubt that they are going to tell me that what we’re going through is normal, that it will all be okay and i’m hoping that they will give us all some tools to help us get through this and thrive here, i’m sure that they will.

6 thoughts on “monday, is it over yet?

  1. Kids are resilient. They will be fine. You will get some tools to cope. Share them when you do, please. You have not “damaged” them. Thankful for understanding teachers. Next year you will be full of amazing wonderful stories, I’m sure of it. Enjoy your cooking class. I’m very impressed with how you are getting out to do things. That’s hard sometimes.

    angie, thanks for the enouragement! tm

  2. I’m so sorry. You know that things will get better, but I admire you for getting some help. It’s a really smart idea to do it now, and not wait and see if things get better or worse on their own. I hope you get to do your two things on your list tomorrow. Hopefully your to do lists will stay manageable for a while.

    i got one thing done. i tried to call the place, but the phone just rang and rang… i’ll try again tomorrow. tm

  3. Sounds like the more things change the more they stay the same…at least for you and me. Your Monday sounds much like my Thursday. I feel it sister!

    Have fun at cooking class on Tuesday which I think is your right now and I know is my tomorrow!

    winey, cooking class was great! one of the best things i’ve done since we moved. tm

  4. Feel your pain! You know all about our trials. I hope the counseling helps and hope you have fun at your cooking and language classes!

    carrie, thanks. and i have no doubt that a year from now we’ll be all happy and well adjusted… at least for the most part. tm

  5. peace and loads of love to you.
    i’ve never changed countries/cultures, but have changed cities (five years ago, moved 200 km away from our home town of thirty years) and (sorry to say) it took about two years until i felt we really belong here.
    sounds tragic. it’s been a wonderful journey, finding myself/ourselves anew.
    go for the counselling i say, you might get a open window into each other’s souls and at least you’ll all feel on the same page.
    mwah X

    kate, we did the moving state thing (about 1100 km) and that was no fun. it took us a year of maybe two to feel at home there. i’m sure that’s true for this move, too. patience, that’s waht i need. tm 🙂

  6. kids are amazing, as long as you stay in touch with them. a few years from now, this will be one of the most amazing adventures of your life and theirs. they can always say they tried and they will succeed. i moved around a lot when I was in school, its hard. but, my parents always helped me get through it and thrive.

    see maybe if they could write in a journal (blog), that could help the rough times. hope things are going better. parenting is HARD. someone asked me the other day why we do it if it is so much work. very good question,

    so many rewards!!!!

    yes, the rewards. but as much as i want to be and as much as i really want my kids to be i’m not so good at the delayed gratification. but i know all will be good and these times will be a distant memory. eventually, which isn’t the same as right now. 🙂

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