on bh’s last jaunt home he needed to get some passport and visa situations taken care of. and it was rush. and it was expensive. it started with him needing more pages in his passport because he gets to go everywhere while i get to stay home. he also needed to get a visa for somewhere in asia. so he arranges to send his passport off for a one day turn around to get the extra pages. that would allow him to then send it off for the visa and have it all back in time for the trip he’s now on. that’s where it gets sketchy. the passport office calls and says they can’t give him more pages; his passport is mutilated. but they would like to keep the money, k? so back comes the mutilated passport (it has three spots on the cover) – with no new pages which means no visa for where ever it is in asia. the timing of all of this is essential. he can wait to get the visa until he gets back from moscow, but he will already need to have the extra pages. the solution? drive to denver for same day service on the passport. this is cause for a little concern – his russia visa and india visa are both in the mutilated passport so he can’t really give it up. not to worry, in denver he gets an all new passport and he gets to keep the old one; that way he should be able to, at least they said he should be able to, use the visas in the old passport. so off he goes to moscow both passports in tow. everything goes smoothly, no problems, he goes through dallas/fort worth through chicago through london and no problems. then moscow. they don’t like that his visa is in a canceled passport. they detain him. yes, i said detain. then they call in boris and natash – you know, from rocky and bullwinkle – to start the interigation. they withhold food and liquids. it is inhumane. after 60 minutes they come to a conclusion. they know he’s weak and rather than drag it out they go straight for the jugular. tell him it’s gonna cost. he braces for it. they approach, oh they look mean. then they say, “it vill be ten beeg ones – american”
so he gives them $10 and is on his way. bh now has his most important assignment – find the starbucks in moscow and get me a city mug. if he returns without it, he will see that what the russians did was only child’s play.