PSA – unless you wanna get scalped wear sunscreen

25/08/2010

monica @ transplanting me me me me, skin cancer 9 Comments

*edited to say maybe i should have said wear a hat in the title… but you should wear sunscreen, too,*

where have i been?  occupied.  mostly with getting in the swing of back to school, but also dealing with my own little medical crisis.

about 6 months ago i found a what i thought was a suspicious spot on my head – like the very tippy top of my head.  but because i have a gigantic fear of anything that might be disfiguring on my head i ignored it.  until yesterday.  (the whole ignoring thing is completely stupid because when you ignore things they only get bigger and that can’t be helpful in the scarring arena.)  yesterday i went to see the dermatologist.  he looked at it and thought it looked highly suspicious and that it should probably be removed.  which totally played into my other fear – if it might be cancer get it off of me.  (i know, the whole putting off because it might be scarring and get it off of me fears sort of contradictory, right?)

that’s my head yesterday

but…  he wasn’t comfortable removing it himself.  so he sent me to see the surgeon.  who looked at it, said oh, yeah.  it definitely needs to come off and that he would need to shave a 4″ strip down the middle of my head to remove it.  he scheduled me for about noon.  when we met again, he did a little more feeling around of my scalp.  looked closer at the lesion, tried to see how much my scalp skin would move and declared he really couldn’t do it.  it was just too difficult to do scalps.  so he sent me to the plastic surgeon.

the plastic surgeon took one look at it and declared it a “very bad tumor”.  and that it needed to come off now.  or the next day – which was when he could fit me in.  which brings us to today.

surgery (but i wasn’t really thinking it would be actual surgery, i sort of saw myself in his office having a little “procedure” done) happened about noon today – in the actual operating room.  they knocked me out so i wouldn’t feel any pain.  for 15 minutes i was knocked out.  the pain he didn’t want me to feel was the pain of getting the local anesthetic.  so i came to to tugging sensations on my head and an explanation that he’d found another, but that it could be burned off, because it was small.  and within a few moments the tugging sensations became quite painful.  like i could describe to him what he was doing and where it was doing it and that it hurt like about 200 on a scale of 1 – 10.  so he gave me a little more local anesthetic.  minus the being knocked out.  and it hurt.  really, really bad.  and it never completely knocked out the pain.  he ended up removing a triangle that was about 4 cm on each side (that’s around one and a half inches to my fellow americans).  a scalp will not stretch to cover 4 cm.  but he, being a plastic surgeon and all, knew just how to fix it.  he made a 4 inch incision away from the “very bad tumor” (which he’d taken to calling the “dangerous tumor”) towards my right ear that would allow the skin to shift some.

closest i’ve got to an after pic.  the kids say it’s too gross to photograph.

and then he sowed me up.  and showed me the “dangerous tumor” (it looked like i’d been scalped. just a small part of me, but still…)  the nurses then gave me a hair washing to get out all the goo.  they used very cold water.  which was kind of them.  i headed to recovery for an hour and the doctor came to visit and with his very friendly face he said he didn’t think it would hurt after the local anesthetic wore off.  i found that hard to believe since it was already hurting.  but i’m a fairly optimistic person, so i believed him.  (i don’t anymore.  now i think he’s a big, fat liar, cuz it hurts a lot.)

one big bummer was that as i was coming out of the being under i kept thinking to myself i’ve got to remember to blog about this.  this is amazing.  i’ve got to share this.  but the only thing i remember now is that i wanted to remember that i had to blog about it.  but what it was?  i have no idea.

getting from point a to point b

16/08/2010

monica @ transplanting me chiang mai, family, transportation 8 Comments

i hate greatly dislike our car.  it’s big.  too big for the neighborhood streets of chiang mai.  it guzzles gas.  it’s in poor condition – even after it’s had a new engine and a new radiator (although i question the use of the word new.)  and there are alot of places that it’s an absolute bear to park.  just the idea of having to use it raises my heart rate.  so we’ve decided to change our main mode of transportation.  we’re going motorcy.  (in america we’d call it a scooter.)  right now we’re renting a really cute motorcy – but really cute probably isn’t really practical for our family.  it works for me, but the menfolk aren’t so excited about it.  when you rent a motorcy here they aren’t so big on making sure you know how to ride one.  they showed me how to start it – that was very kind of them – and then they sent me out on my own.  and i’m loving it.

we’ve decided that we’re gonna let c16 get his license and have some usage of the bike.  and when we told him that, apparently he heard “we’re buying a bike for the family, but mostly for you!” because he has been negotiating the when and where he gets to use it since we mentioned it.  we’ve got a ways to go before we come to an agreement.  i figure by the time we come to an arrangement that makes us all happy a13 will be ready to drive it, too.

and…

if my blog had a ticker that ran across the bottom of meaningless posts with the real news here is what it would say (you know, like the news.  the newscasters talk about all the not really news stuff and the important stuff you really need and want to know about is run across the bottom of the screen so you have to read it, while listening to the unimportant stuff) -

  • michael’s leg is doing better.  or at least not worse.  he has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to check it out.
  • the kids are situated in school.  the first full week begins today.
  • i’ve actually been using the gym membership i committed to.  if you count 10 visits in 20 days as a commitment.

again with the no internet

11/08/2010

monica @ transplanting me michael, school 8 Comments

we’ve got no internet, again.  which is even less fun than it sounds.  they’ve upgraded our neighborhood to a faster speed internet, but apparently that means something different for our house than our neighbors.  i’ve finally broken down and gone to an internet cafe.  the computer i’m using is speaking hebrew, except when i click on what i think might be instructions for possible ways to get it to quit speaking hebrew.  the instructions are in thai -  i can read just enough thai to get to my email and to write this post.  good enough.

the kids started school today.  i love the first day of school and i loved it when i was in school – except for the one year a mean girl made fun of me for wearing a sweater to school on the first day of school.  august plus texas don’t necessarily add up to sweater weather.  but it was a way cool sweater that had been purchased with the rest of my back to school clothes and i desperately needed to wear it immediately.  i hate mean girls.

michael’s leg might be doing better.  it still looks the same, but it doesn’t hurt as much and it’s not as hot to the touch.  i’m calling that improvement.

as in to cut it off?

09/08/2010

monica @ transplanting me random 17 Comments

this morning i had a very pressing engagement so michael had to go to the doctor on his own. we weren’t sure what to expect at the doctor – his leg doesn’t really look like it’s changed all that much since he got out of the hospital.  i was thinking it might look an eensy bit better, but that could also be wishful thinking.  michael was hoping my wishful thinking was correct, but he wasn’t convinced that there’d been any change.  so we figured the we’d let the doctor be the judge.

and his ruling?  a referral to the surgeon.  because he was thinking amputation might be the answer.  amputation. as in lets just cut off the entire leg.  we weren’t totally aware that the outcome of this situation might be leg removal.  that seems mighty serious.  i’m not saying we didn’t know this was mighty serious – even worse case scenario life terminating serious.  but to suddenly jump from oral antibiotics to amputation??  that seems drastic.  luckily the surgeon’s thoughts were more in line with ours than with the doctor’s.  because he said we weren’t there – yet.  so, michael was given more antibiotics and another appointment was scheduled.  he has a trip to the states in september.  i’m gonna go ahead and set him up an appointment to see a doctor while he’s there.  you know, for a second opinion.   it couldn’t hurt.

and just what was the very pressing engagement that kept me from going to the doctor with michael?  this morning was the new student orientation at the kids’ school.  my kids aren’t new students, but i’d said i’d help.  and it was also supposed to be when we could get a peek at the class lists.  we’ve got lots of wondering about what teachers we’re gonna have and who we’re gonna be in class with going on.  but today i got only 1/3 of that situation worked out.  i pretty much have s10′s teacher/class figured out.  and it’s good for him.  a13 really wants to know, but for her i got nothing.  c16 doesn’t seem to care and that makes it easy for me.  as long as he gets the biology, chemistry, algebra 2 situation sorted.  even more important than finding out school stuff was the opportunity to test drive my new ‘do.  i got it cut last week – no shorter than it’s been before.  but yesterday i had an impromptu d.i.y. coloring session.  because the hairdye was on clearance.  i’m not 100% sure that a good deal on hairdye is good enough reason to color.

in the loop

03/08/2010

monica @ transplanting me michael 7 Comments

michael’s home from the hospital.  still not feeling great, but feeling much better than before.  and his leg no longer looks like it’s been beat by a metal bat – now it just looks like he fell asleep in the sun with only his leg exposed. for days.  he’s got three more days of outpatient iv antibiotics and then the doctor will give him another once over and let us know what’s next.

another day and doing better

31/07/2010

monica @ transplanting me me me me, michael , 8 Comments

michael hasn’t once mentioned breaking out of the hospital, but he does sometimes complain about not liking being stuck in bed –  i think that’s understandable.  i have been very picture snapping negligent.  at the very least i should have a daily leg picture so you can see the improvement.  but i don’t.  i also don’t have a picture of the hospital pjs he gets to wear.  the first day they were pink.  the past two days they’ve been green and i think i saw the ones for tomorrow will be blue.  and they’re interesting.  they’re sort of a cross between a baby outfit and an abba jumper.  i’m secretly wondering where i might be able to find a pair.

all the emails and facebook comments and tweets asking about the family have been fantastic.  i’m beginning to see that there is something to this social media thing!  the number one asked question is how am i doing.  and the answer to that could be i’m fine, but more likely it’s i don’t know.  because of the whole just doing what comes next thing.  but i’m sure once michael’s home – and things start to return to whatever normal will be – i’ll figure out how i’m doing and do something about it.  good thing is friends begin their return this week.  and there’s not much better than friends – and coffee – to help a girl process.

i have started the c25k running program.  9 weeks from now will i be 5k ready like they say?  i’ve made it through 3 days.  i guess that leaves me in the we shall see category.  (and yes, yes that does means i began the day michael went into the hospital.  and?)

improvement

30/07/2010

monica @ transplanting me michael 7 Comments

the third day of treatment has brought improvement. and we’re beginning to wonder if he hasn’t had cellulitis for a little while. because his legs have been swollen and discolored – lightly discolored – for quite a while now. but, we’ve put it off as sort of persistent edema – i’m sure i confered with wiki on that diagnoses (and we now have reason to believe that wiki is a reliable source, right?)  but now that the swelling is going down, it’s really going down.  like all the previous swelling is gone, too.

these pictures are from today.  and his leg looks better than it did yesterday and the day before.  i think dr. wiki just told us two more days and he should be good.

paging dr. wiki

29/07/2010

monica @ transplanting me michael 7 Comments

we made it through the night. for the most part. michael’s supposed to be keeping his leg elevated and we worked really hard at that. or at least i did. he fell asleep and kept letting his leg fall off the tower of pillows. i figured it was my job to make sure he lived – and if keeping his leg up is required for his survival – then i was so gonna make that happen. so several times through the night i woke up and carefully repositioned his leg (saving his life- i am certain of it.) his version of the night goes something like “and then she ripped my leg out of it’s socket!!”. (pansy). so this morning he was super excited to hear that a doctor that my mom knows says it is very important that he be observed in the hospital.

we got to the hospital about 9. and as soon as we informed the nurse that we would like him to stay she whipped out a wheelchair and told him to sit. she then rolled him about 4 feet away – to the smack dab center of the room – and began taking his vitals. then we saw the doctor. and i can’t think of a greater missed photo op. because sitting on that doctor’s desk – right out in the open for anyone to see – was his computer monitor. and you will never guess what was on it. he was searching wikipedia. for medical information. hasn’t anyone told him – this man with a medical degree – that you should never trust wiki. i was sitting too far back to see the details of his search, but really, really thought i should know. so, i feigned a sudden interest in michael’s uninffected leg so i could lean in and get a gander at what was on that screen. all i could make out – while being convincingly caring – were the words “transient aschemic…”. that is not michael’s problem (thankfully). but i do hope wiki has it’s facts straight cuz someone’s depending on it.

after the doctor we were set in the big lobby waiting room so we could be assigned to a room. that was 5 hours ago. but we’ve had a nice tour while we’ve waited. we’ve spent some time in the emergency room getting his second dose of antibiotic. and now we’ve been shifted to the icu. where michael made a grave mistake. he laid down without changing into the provided hospital attire. obviously to them this was a sign that he was incapable of doing it himself, because in no time three teeny tiny thai nurses had undressed him and redressed him – completely without his assistance.

soon eventually who knows when? we’ll be moved to a private room. then i’ll bring the kids up to visit.

right now we’re going with a diagnosis of cellulitis. there’s been a mention of an occluded femeral artery, but i don’t think they’re really thinking that.

*i’ve managed this entire post on my itouch. so any and all spelling, grammar, and/or coherence issues are totally steve jobs fault.*

avoiding confrontation

28/07/2010

monica @ transplanting me michael 4 Comments

he hadn’t read my blog or seen a facebook status update so he had no idea he was coming home to a woman on the verge.  no idea.  and to be honest with every passing moment that brought his plane closer and closer i moved further and further away from the verge.  funny how that works.  however, it turns out that can quickly be reversed.  like when he gets off the plane grumpy and sick.  that’s one massive shove back towards the edge.  and then when we get in the car and he tells me his leg feels funny.  and that it looks funny, too.  and he shows me – but i can’t show you because i can’t get my hard drive to read my sd card,  maybe later.

our first stop was the hospital.  then home for a few hours.  now back to the hospital for a sonogram.  hopefully, we’ll know soon.

i’ve held on until day 55 of summer

27/07/2010

monica @ transplanting me leaking crazy, me me me 13 Comments

i’m taking a page out of leigh vs. laundry’s book – or maybe it’s a post off of leigh vs. laundry’s blog – whatever, i’m stealing her idea.  she had a nervous breakdown on day 43 of summer and i’m contemplating a nervous breakdown on day 55 of summer.  that’s 12 more days than she made it – woot.  (i know, competitiveness isn’t that attractive.)

i’ve actually only just arrived at the edge of breakdown, but i can feel myself teetering.  i know you’re wondering how i can go from doing so well to suddenly doing maybe not so well.  it’s a gift i have.  the problems go something like this.

way back when our mâe bâan’s husband gave us a puppy.  then he took the dog away.  the kids mourned the removal of that dog, but recovered.  i didn’t mourn.  i rejoiced.  then our mâe bâan’s husband, because he hates me, gives us two puppies. the children rejoice.  i begin step one towards the edge.  well, really this is step two.  step one began before step two was completed.  step one is two-parted.  part a) michael and c16 head to the us of a while the rest of us stayed behind and part b) in the 5 weeks they are gone i hear from michael maybe 5 times.  and the last one of those times was over a week ago.  that’s a general explanation of why i’m teetering, but i feel like maybe i should break it down some.

starting with the puppies.  i am no lover of dogs.  but dogs seem to be important in the life of my youngest son, so i figure what can it hurt to have a dog.  and by a dog – i mean one dog.  but i’m weak and my family knows it – we become a 2 dog family.  and dog #2 sort of softened my heart towards dogs a bit.  she’s cute and sweet and not too bothersome.  then the first gift puppy came along.  and she was bad.  bad bad bad.  and by bad i mean evil.  when khao said he was going to take her away my soul rejoiced.  and we discussed the fact that i wanted no more puppies.  no more.  none.  that the two dogs we have are plenty.  all we need.  we did have this discussion in thai, but i felt good about it.  and for several weeks i felt lighter.  until i didn’t.  because khao showed up one afternoon with not one, but two puppies.  and handed them off to the two kiddos who are still in thailand.  and i forced a smile.  and didn’t know what to do.  because with all of my being i don’t want these puppies.  these puppies have moved me from being not a lover of dogs to being not even a liker of dogs.  soon i’ll be a hater of dogs.  i need them to go away.  but how?  the kids will be crushed.  i’m sure khao will be crushed.  but the longer they are here the more bitter i become.  and as the days pass the direction my feelings of bitterness are aimed is changing.  it’s almost now pointed squarely at jim and khao (our mâe bâan and her husband).  and last night one of the puppies pooped out round worms.  gross, nasty, disgusting.  and i’m thinking that that alone should be enough to send me over the edge.

now the michael and chan being in the us of a issue.  the truth is their actual going isn’t really part of the problem.  i mean, sure, i’d love to be there and so would a13 and s10.  but we discussed it plenty before hand and knew this is the way it had to happen.  so, i’d prepared myself.  i knew at times i’d be a bit resentful and i was okay with that.  but what i wasn’t prepared for was the no communication.  i was aware that there would be a week or so of no communication.  there’s no internet at camp so i was counting on one week of not hearing from him.  and i knew that the times available for chatting would be limited, mainly to morning and evening, because of the 12 hour time difference.  so i made sure i was available almost every morning and every evening.  and by made myself available i mean i sat at my computer just hoping to see that he was online.  and frequently i woke during the middle of the night to see if he might be on midday where he was.  but i rarely caught him.  what about email you ask.  well, the only emails i received from him were in reply to mine and only answered whatever specific question i asked, no info about the goings on over there.  no email just to say he loves me, etc.  and i think i know why he hasn’t communicated much.  he’s been very, very busy and he hasn’t wanted to inconvenience anyone.  and – if i’m honest – that’s part of what has me bothered.  but the bigger part of what has me bothered is that we have, on more than one occasion, discussed how important it is for me to hear from him when he’s traveling.  not hearing from him turns me a bit scary.  a bit stalkerish.  it’s not that i think he might be up to no good, it’s just that i really hate the feeling that i fall into the category of out of sight, out of mind.

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