Obviously, I didn’t mean it

Posted on 22/01/2012 by

Twice a week? That was crazy talk. I probably meant up to twice a week. Or less.

I am going to take a few moments here to answer a question I get asked ALL THE TIME. By pretty much everyone – including perfect strangers. Sometimes perfect strangers even email me this question. Usually, it comes about because they’ve either noticed or heard that I have lost 90 pounds. The number one question, the question that frequently comes before “how?” is…

“What about loose skin?” And especially special is the face they make when asking this question. It’s a mix of interest and disgust. I often think they’re hoping I’ll show them all my shar pei amazingness.

Well, the short answer is, yes, I do have loose skin. I lost 90 freaking pounds. Off my body. From under my skin. And, the answer to the next question – the one that always follows – is, yes, it does bother me. But it bothers me less than the extra weight did. And it bothers me less than being asked these questions. And now they are answered. So, let’s move on. (And it’s more than a little bit of an exaggeration to say I look like a shar pei.)

All is going well here. We are the proud owners of a new to us car. It is sort of a minivan, like if a minivan had a little sister or something. It works much better for our family than our flood damaged car. Which we did get running again. But it no longer had aircon or the ability to roll its windows down. So come about March or April, maybe even February it would have just been a death trap.

We thought we were going to move, but didn’t. Out landlord lowered our rent. Turns we are pretty easy tenants and he didn’t want to risk any not so easy tenants. I was more than happy not to move over Christmas break. That makes two in a row we haven’t spent moving.

We’ll be staying in Thailand a few more years. For a little bit our future here felt very iffy. Iffy enough that I was researching school options in Colorado Springs. We are all pretty happy with the outcome. We’re hoping to see A15 graduate high school here.

A while ago I posted about Plan A or Plan B. Plan A involved walking/running a whole lot of miles around Annapurna. Plan B was a Christmas Day 1/2 marathon. So, which one did I choose? I ended up going with Plan B.2 – a Christmas Day 10k. Go me. And shortly after that I started reading The NonRunners Marathon Guide for Women. It’s funny and inspiring and it has almost completely convinced me that I have absolutely no desire to train for a marathon – even though I have run a marathon on my 2012 goal list. I also have run a 1/2 on that list. I am gonna see how I do with that one, first. Actually, I have a 5k coming up in a few weeks. I’m just gonna start with that one and see if I progress to a 1/2.

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I meant starting the second week of 2012

Posted on 08/01/2012 by

I am not a goal setter. Never have been. But the awesomeness of 2011 convinced me that I should do something about that. So I have. I’ve set several goals and one of them was to post two times a week to this blog. Guess how many posts I managed last week? No cheating and looking back through posts to see. You probably don’t need to do that anyway.

The answer is… None. Zilch. Nada. Surprised? But all my goal setting research tells me that there is still hope. That I can start today. There’s no time like present. So, here goes. Thanks to the genius who created white out (no, I am not keeping track of my goals electronically. I’m doing it on paper. With colored pens. It’s much more motivating that way). Anyway, through the miracle of white out my goal is now to post two times a week to my blog beginning January the 8th.

One down.

Posted in me me me, resolution | 13 Comments

the year i took my life back

Posted on 29/12/2011 by

AKA – my 40th year.

If – on my 4oth birthday –  you’d asked me what big changes I expected for the coming year I would have answered, “none.”  I had absolutely no intentions towards any big life changes.  I expected to turn 41, but beyond that I had no plans.  Maybe that’s a little sad and I guess it’s fair enough to say I was in a rut, but I’d settled into that rut and thought I was content to stay there.  Then, two months into the year, I figured out that I did want to change something.  I wanted to be strong.  I had no idea how I was going to get strong, but that’s what I wanted.  Then one morning I was having breakfast at the local diner – probably eating a cinnamon roll – and noticed a business card for CrossFit Chiang Mai.  It had the word strength on it and that was enough for me.  (I blogged about my start here.)

Walking into the CrossFit Chiang Mai box I had no idea what I was in for and how much I would love it!  And I certainly had no idea I would go from this…

to this…

  

Tomorrow I turn 41 and I’m feeling like I should set some goals.  I want to be realistic, you know, things I can actually accomplish.  But at the same time I don’t want to be limiting.  I’m pretty sure I never would have set the goals of lose 70+ pounds, dead lift my body weight, or run a 10k last year and I’ve managed each of them.  I’ve also gotten my CrossFit Level 1 cert.  There’s no way that could have been on my radar this time last year.

I’ve never been much of a goal setter and I’m finding the task challenging.  I’ve identified what I think are some easy goals – run a 1/2 marathon (do I dare set the goal of running a whole??), deadlift 1.5 times my body weight (too much to hope for?) and maintain my current body weight.  I’m going to keep working on my list.  I want to include things that aren’t just physical, like read a certain number of books. maintain this blog, and improve my thai, but I need to come up with quantifiable measurements for these things or I’ll never know if I’ve accomplished them.  I’m also trying to get away from thinking I’ve got to top last year – I’m not at all sure how I would even begin to do that.  40 was a good year, but here’s to turning 41.  Bring it on!

Posted in crossfit, fitness, me me me | Tagged , | 6 Comments

can someone mail me a brown bag??

Posted on 23/12/2011 by

lately i’ve been finding myself in a bit of a panic.  time is marching on and i’m not liking it.  and even more than not liking it, i feel like i’m encouraging it – but what i want to do – with every cell in my body – is stop it.  c-17 is at the root of my panic.  18 months from now he graduates from high school.  and it’s entirely possible, even most likely probable, that he will head to the states to college.  and, by the states, i mean the united states of america.  the ones that are many, many, many thousands of miles away.

would i be feeling this way if we were living in america mid-term during his junior year of high school?  i’m not sure.  and why, 18 months out, am i panicking?  i don’t know.  maybe it’s because he’s off at the beach.  the beach in southern thailand.  without us.  i know he’s having a great time.  and i know he’s making great memories.  (and i’d be lieing if i didn’t admit to a few fleeting thoughts about what a cool mom i am letting him go to the beach with his friends over christmas break.)  he managed the overnight train from chiang mai to bangkok with a friend.  no adult help.  and together they managed to figure out a solution to the train being late and causing them to miss their connection to hua hin.  and they managed all this without a rescue call.  which is reassuring.  and i’m incredibly proud of him for being such a responsible kid – or rather young man, but i’m also a little bit sad that he managed that without me.

i know i’ll always be his mom, but the level of dependency is changing.  and all i can think is how much i’ve wished his entire life for him to be more dependent.  starting as a tiny baby.  i remember how happy i was when he slept through the night without me having to help him get back to sleep.  what a momentous occasion it was when he walked – knowing the days of me carrying him or pushing him everywhere in a stroller were coming to an end.  his first day of school (okay, that didn’t happen until the 4th grade).  and on and on go the milestones.  how i wished them to come.  and all that wishing has gotten us here.  to the point where he’s responsible enough to handle a trip like this without us.  to the point where we can even begin to fathom him living half way around the world without us.  it’s very possible my worries are unfounded.  that he’ll be fine.  that he’ll flourish.  (that’s what i’m hoping for.)  but what if he needs us.  what if it’s not all unicorns and roses (i know it won’t be all unicorns and roses and i also know that that’s not the actual saying.)  what then?  there’s not much we’ll be able to do to help.

and while it is still 18 months away, and it seems a tad silly to be so worked up over something that is 18 months away – i am most certain these will be the shortest 18 months of my life.

 

Posted in c16 | 2 Comments

it’s flooding in thailand

Posted on 21/11/2011 by

our first stop on the compassion sponsor tour – if you don’t count the hotel – was to a project in the nonthaburi province, just outside of bangkok.  it’s an area that is flooded – it has been for weeks.

   

the purpose of our visit was to learn more about this particular compassion project and to provide a little bit of relief to the project workers by helping them cook and package up meals for those who are house bound due to flooding and to deliver the meals in the local flooded area. (that was one long sentence.)

when we stopped and offered food to this lady she was prepared.  she stretched the cane out to us.  we loaded the food on and stretched it back to her.  she’d obviously had practice at this.

the water’s not going any where any time soon and when faced with such a desperate situation it seemed that people just chose to get on with life.

  

  

this neighborhood is right along the chao phraya river.  as we talked to the folks who live here they said they are used to floods.  that it floods every year.  but it has never stayed this long.  and disrupted so much.  they are more than ready for the water to go.

Posted in compassion international, flood, thailand | 2 Comments

and this is love

Posted on 19/11/2011 by

I have spent the past week on a Thailand Compassion Sponsor Tour. You might recall I did this last year, too. But this year has been different for me – we now have a sponsor child in Thailand and I got to spend a whole day with him. I have many tales to tell and they will come, but I am going to start with this one.

It’s about a husband and a father. A man who loves deeply, unselfishly, and unashamedly. He is currently a single dad – but not by choice. His wife has made some bad decisions. I do not know her story. I know she chose a lifestyle that is not compatible with raising children. I don’t know why she chose this, but I know we all make bad decisions, some more serious than others. Her’s started with her leaving her family and has now led her to jail. It has left her children motherless and her husband alone.

Her husband is raising their 12 year old son and their 11 and 9 year old daughters. The children attend school and they attend to their chores. They help their father. They are the picture of dutiful. I am sure that they do this because they feel it is their responsibility, but it is more than that. In the short time I spent in their home I was impressed by the love they so obviously have for each other. And by their hopefulness for a better future.

The father is a construction worker by trade. It is what he has spent his life doing, but he is no longer able to work as he once was. He has lost much of his sight and requires a great deal of light to see the very little he is able to see. He might be limited in what he is able to do, but he does still work. In construction. Doing the tasks he is able to “feel”. The ones that the years of doing over and over have caused to become like breathing for him. This does limit his earning potential. Some money is better than no money, but it’s not the same as enough. He was the one who did the cooking for the family. Chopping and slicing and stir-frying take on an added degree of difficulty when you cannot see what you are chopping and slicing and stir-frying so his son has taken over the cooking. He sits with his son and instructs him. He teaches him recipes, techniques, seasoning. His son hopes to be a chef one day and is daily being mentored for this by his father. His daughters both want to be teachers. He encourages them both. He tells them they can be teachers – that they are not defined by their current situation.

His wife is soon to be released from jail. He loves her dearly and He wants more than anything for her to return home – to be a mother to their children. To be a partner for him. He wants her to be an active part of their family. He has arranged for her to have a sewing machine. He has arranged clients for her. He has set her up to succeed. His children see this. They know what she has done. They know that there is stigma attached to her having been in jail. They know that their father does not have to welcome her back. And they see that he wants her. That he loves her. That he has not given up on her. And still she has a choice to make. She can choose not to return to them. To leave them motherless and their father alone or she can choose to join them. But the choice is hers. It has not been made for her.

Meeting this family helped me process an issue I’ve been struggling with. For a few months I’ve been working through a crisis of faith. I’ve been wondering just what it is that makes me worthy of God’s love. I know the answer to this – head knowledge they call it. But knowing and feeling are two separate things and my belief and my feelings weren’t in agreement. After meeting this family I realized that the way that husband loves his wife is just a shadow of the way God loves me. The way that husband wants his wife to be a part of their family is what God wants from me. God’s not going anywhere and the only thing he has for me is good. Plans for my success. And it’s my choice, no one can make it for me.

Posted in compassion international, love all around | 2 Comments

murky, muddy, muck

Posted on 01/10/2011 by

we ventured home today.  and not a moment to soon.  i don’t say that because we were just dying to get to cleaning, i say it because as we were at sitting at the hotel we had a view of this

this was a paved drive last night.  the flood seems to be coming after us.  time for us to get moving anyway.  plenty of work waiting for us at the house.

i left a little before the rest of the family so i could detour by big c to pick up bleach and sanitizer and mops.  and when i arrived home our househelp, jim and khao, were already in the process of moving mud.  i joined them in a squeegee brigade.  jim pushed the muck to khao, and khao pushed it to me, and i pushed it on out towards a drain or a door.  and when the rest of the family arrived they joined in – and they were pretty chipper about it.

 

 

while the work continued on inside there was plenty to be done outside, too.

 

 

gade from the compassion thailand office stopped by to lend a very much appreciated hand.  i let her know that from now on when the office calls and asks if we need anything i’m going to answer, “i don’t know, you tell me.”

one of the things we did need today was water.  which we didn’t have.  the tessebaan shut off the water to our street this morning and it was late afternoon before it came back on.  that makes cleaning out the mud a much more challenging feat than it has to be.  but we got a lot accomplished and we’re all now exhausted.

michael’s now on his way to america.  a14 and i are going to be bunking together for at least tonight, my room is still in pretty bad shape, but it’s first up on the to-do list tomorrow.  and the boys are lounging and too tired to move from the prone positions they’ve managed to get themselves into.

the reports are that the typhoon has gone north and will not be causing more flooding for us.  that’s a worry off my list and makes the cleaning up seem like it’s not futile after all.

Posted in family, flood, ookie, thailand | 2 Comments

do the kids have to make up flood days

Posted on 30/09/2011 by

it has flooded.  people kept talking about it.  saying it was imminent.  or saying it wouldn’t reach us.  we weren’t sure who to believe, but we knew who we wanted to believe.  we did all the flood prep we knew to do.  and then we waited.

i went down to the bridge nearest our house and checked out the water levels.  they were definitely rising.  but the whole atmosphere there was so festive that it was hard to take it seriously.  food vendors were out vending food.  people were out playing in the first of the flood waters.  there were so many people gathered taking pictures and chatting and not being at all serious that it made it easy to for it not to feel “real”.

 

i made several trips out to check on the progress of the flood.  and while it was inching it’s way towards our house, it wasn’t inching in a way that was convincing to us.

and then it started on our street.  and then it started at our house.  and it kept it up at our house.  and we started feeling like the flood was a real threat.

 

 

and then the morning came and we woke to this.

 

yes, that is our car.  the tan one, not the black one.  but it’s good that the black one is in the picture so people can see we weren’t the only ones to not move our car to higher ground.

we tried to figure out what to do.  we had no idea.  we moved some of our already moved stuff around.  and then the cavalry came.

 

our faithful househelp.  i’m not certain it was wise to drive the motorbike all the way down our street and nong patty, their daughter, seems to not be certain that even getting out in the flood is a good idea (smart girl).  they helped us move the fridge to higher ground and the washing machine.  then they noticed things that we overlooked.  and then they noticed something we didn’t see at all.

 

the snake is trying to swim out on michael’s side of the window.  if you could hear what’s happening right now you would be deafened by the squeels and screeches of jim and myself.  luckily, michael got the window closed so it couldn’t escape.

khao killed the snake.  first he stunned it by whacking it with that stick several times.  he broke the screen doing it.  he did ask permission to break the screen, i thought a no longer living snake was a good trade for a screen.

a second after this shot was taken the back wall was splattered with snake blood.  that smack made sure it was good and dead.  and that snake convinced me that i’m not the kind that’s made of the stuff to wait out the flood in our flooded house.  that and the fact that the toilets would no longer flush.  that just makes for all kinds of ookeyness.

our rescue came from the compassion thailand office.  they sent a fantastic crew of guys out to help move us to a hotel.  luckily, they’d just had 2 days of disaster relief training.  little did they know they’d get to use it so quickly.

michael and i made a trip to the house this morning to check on the dogs.  things were definitely better.

   

tomorrow we will be returning to start the big clean up.  we’ve located a power washer to borrow and have the family on board.  we might regret not getting to it today, but the amount of water just outside the door made it seem a bit of a daunting task.  

there’s a typhoon headed our way and rumor has it that we should be under water again by tuesday.  i’m choosing to continue with my optomistic ways and think it won’t happen.  maybe i’ll change my mind before the water’s lapping at our front door.  but, hopefully, it really won’t happen.

Posted in family, flood, love all around, ookie, thailand | 5 Comments

paleo – week one

Posted on 08/09/2011 by

i’m starting day 8 of paleo today.  yep, that means i’ve made it through 7 days of no grains, no legumes, no dairy, and limited fruit.  and i feel like crap.  they said that would happen.  i’ve got no energy.  they said that would happen.  i’ve got a headache.  they said that would happen.  but they also said some good stuff would happen.  and the good stuff is what i’m holding out for.  like high energy.  and magical powers.  (i made one of those up).

my body is supposed to be relearning to use fat instead of sugar as it’s fuel source.  but while it’s working on figuring out how to do that i get the fun that is low energy.  and it’s not all that fun.  i haven’t missed a day at crossfit, but the workouts of the day seem 10 times harder than they were last week.  and 8:00pm is beginning to look like a very appealing bed time.  if only i could go to bed then.

i’ve been asked if i think i can keep this up forever and ever and ever.  and i do think i can. i’m not hungry.  what i’m eating is satisfying.  and, after the 30 days are over, i’ll be adding dairy back into my diet.  i don’t think i have any issues with dairy, and i don’t normally consume a lot of it, so i’m more than okay with adding it back.  it also helps to know that after 30 days i don’t have to be so strict.  i can allow a cheat here and there.  and i have no doubt that i will.  but i think i’ll also be smart about those cheats – i’ll make it something i really, really want.

september 30th will be the last day of my 30 days.  i weighed myself and took my measurements on august 31.  i’ll do it again on october 1.  i don’t know that i’m brave enough to put the actual measurements on here, but i will definitely share any changes – or lack of changes – that there are.

Posted in fitness, me me me, paleo | 2 Comments

i’ll go with plan a. or maybe plan b.

Posted on 28/08/2011 by

i’ve been on a get my butt in gear and get fit kick lately. i’ve drunk the crossfit koolaid and i’m addicted.  i’ve taken up running – even managed to enjoy it a time or two. i finished the c25k program a few months ago and have kept on going. and i’ve been working on an overhaul of the foods i put into my body. this week i’m starting a 30 day paleo challenge – i’m pretty sure this isn’t the last you’ll hear about it.

since i took up this venture into fitness i’ve lost more than a few pounds.  53.1 to be exact. i picked up a 24 kilogram kettlebell the other day (which is almost 53lbs) and was shocked at how heavy it was. and that i carried that much extra weight around on my body. it made a pretty good impression on me and, while i would like to lose more weight, it is no longer a focus for me.

which leaves me in need of a new goal. i’ve found what i think is a pretty good challenge.

i’m not thinking full marathon.  i’m leaning way more towards the half – i believe that’s the proper term for a 1/2 marathon. 13.1 miles to be run on christmas morning. a bit of a christmas miracle. and then a whole different opportunity presented itself.

the annapurna 100 this one is to be run/walked/jogged on new year’s day. on the annapurna trail. in nepal.  this race comes in 50k, 70km and 100km versions – version 50k (31 miles) seems a good fit for me.  there are logistics to work out.  money, flights, arrangements at home, etc, but it might fall in the category of opportunity not to be passed up.

it’s not decided which one i’ll do.  i’m planning on training for the half.  since that’s most sensible.  but i’m still considering the annapurna race as a viable option.  official registration doesn’t happen until december 31. of course, plans will need to be in the works well before then.  i do find the idea of new year’s day in nepal very exciting and a not too unattractive way to usher in 41 – which i will have turned 2 days before the race.

Posted in crossfit, fitness, me me me, paleo | 6 Comments